August

I was walking, when I felt something behind me,

or prickling within me,

it doesn’t really matter how it’s dressed up.

 

But a contradiction lies here.

We must address our shortcomings,

our tensions,

and broken hearts –

to be better,

somewhere

where worse doesn’t exist.

 

You’ll start so sure in your elevator pitch,

before realising the images are transparent.

 

Oddly though,  they’re no less important

– I think that’s worth trying, to never forget.

 

So having said that,

I’ll leave you with this.

 

The love in:

a candle’s soft glow,

a blanket of silence,

and hugging one’s knees,

 

Our tears for no one,

and then, a surrender.

to Yourself. and Them, and This,

to God,

or Love,

 

and then –

there’s nothing else.

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July

birds take flight

winter Comes

I’m wet

warm and resting

 

set aflame

leaves let go

I start

understanding

A letter from John Steinbeck to his son

New York
November 10, 1958

‘Dear Thom:

We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.

First — if you are in love — that’s a good thing — that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.

Second — There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.

You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply — of course it isn’t puppy love.

But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it — and that I can tell you.

Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.

The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.

If you love someone — there is no possible harm in saying so — only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.

Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.

It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another — but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.

Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.

We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.

And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens — The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.

Love,

Fa’

on capturing Truth

‘Words do not express thoughts very well; everything immediately becomes a little different, a little distorted, a little foolish.’

– Herman Hesse

‘We are now so far from the road to truth, that religious teachers dispute and hate each other, and speculative men are esteemed unsound and frivolous. But to a sound judgment, the most abstract truth is the most practical. Whenever a true theory appears, it will be its own evidence. Its test is, that it will explain all phenomena.’

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friday evening thoughts

In this moment I sit. In the same way that we all sit, the way they all once sat; in a moment, of the time omnisciently hovering around earth.

How’s that bound? Visit that space, you might see God.

The gap, too. Between breath where by at least a few accounts, you’re not really alive but flickering in and out of actuality.

The infinitude of that.

Infinitude in general.

Ah shit, I’m being side-tracked. In this place of realising all this, I feel a strong obligation to answer; what will I do here, now?

Virginia Woolf

‘For now she need not think about anybody. She could be herself, by herself. And that was what now she often felt the need of–to think; well, not even to think. To be silent; to be alone. All the being and the doing, expansive, glittering, vocal, evaporated; and one shrunk, with a sense of solemnity, to being oneself, a wedge-shaped core of darkness, something invisible to others.

Although she continued to knit, and sat upright, it was thus that she felt herself; and this self having shed its attachments was free for the strangest adventures. When life sank down for a moment, the range of experience seemed limitless.’

–  Virginia Woolf, To the lighthouse

note to Self

‘Writers are solitaries by vocation and necessity. I sometimes think the test is not so much talent, which is not as rare as people think, but purpose or vocation, which manifests in part as the ability to endure a lot of solitude and keep working.’

– Rebecca Solnit

‘For he does his work alone and if he is a good enough writer he must face eternity, or the lack of it, each day.’

– Ernest Hemingway